Surf fishing with Jesus





I had another vision this week in prayer. It was Saturday morning my wife was in the shower and I was watching our son. I decided it would be a good time to read some proverbs to him I like to read him a chapter or two ever day but in all honesty I do if about three times a week during a good week. I started to pray and wait on the Lord. As I prayed for wisdom from the scriptures and to remember them nothing seamed to be happing I didn’t feel comfortable to begin reading them so I continued to pray and walked in the living room while holding our son.

Once I was in the living room I continued to pray for the presence of the Lord. My mind began to wander to surf fishing my newest hobby. I said to God please give me focus and help this new hobby of mine not become an idol. When I said this to God this is when he gave me my vision.

I was at the beach surfing with Jesus. You know the classic euro Jesus in the white robes brown hair and sandals Jesus. He was fishing he had a very visceral cast. Upon seeing this I was immediately aware of his holy touch on my heart. Savoring the moment as long as I cold I focused on the imagery. God had something more in store for me.

He then took me to living room where I was standing. He stood there with me. I began to confess my sins to Jesus and ask for his grace and strength. Looking at him he began to cry. Remembering the Damascus road experience of the apostle Paul (Acts 26:14-15). I felt urged to ask him why he was crying. He said to me I am crying because of the way you treat your self. Immediately I understood what he meant. What he was telling me was this. By looking at pornography and my negative self talk I was hurting my self. That what I need to do is treat my self better. This is no to say I need to go buy my self a new BMW because of any thing I experienced or didn’t experience in life. What I needed to do was have a better attitude towards the things I did and the way I viewed my self as a person. I am never happy with any job I have done. That is not to say self-criticism or an honest view of your abilities and attributes is bad. You do need to know you strengths and you weaknesses. I did realize how ever like encouraging my 5 and half a month old son in the little things so he can achieve the larger things I need to do the same for my self.

This morning during my devotional time I was reading about redemption. I know and understand this in my head I am redeemed, but do I know it in my heart do I believe it in my soul. There was and is a feeling of unworthiness. I was over whelmed by feelings of being totally undesirable, unwanted, and unworthy. I know this not to be true, but I feel that way all the same. I know that that is not healthy. So coming across this I prayed to God and as for a deeper understanding.

I saw this while praying. A leather sack full of gold coins coming down while a round platform was lifting up. The Lord was telling me this; I came down as the payment. I saw you and pulled you up out of the world and gave you life eternal. I chose you and I love you. You are mine.

I was reminded of my current memory verse Romans 8:12 Therefore, brethren, we are debtors-not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. After finding much comfort in verse 18. I found that the verses 12-17 to be comforting and useful for memorization because they dealt with one of the issues I needed dealing with in my life. My flesh.

The hinge of the wisdom for me in this verse is we are debtors-not to the flesh. I realized something that I already knew. I had been going slowly inside of me I had red it before in scripture and I have read it in Brothers Lawrence’s Practicing the presence of God.

We are debtors to God he paid our ransom he bought out of sin. We owe our flesh nothing but we owe him every thing. He love for us is real and pure. It is deeper and wiser than we could ever begin to know or understand fully.

I know this is basic Christianity 101 but, the difference is that it more than just a head knowledge now it also a heart knowledge.

a new begining

To start this right I need to go back in time just a few months, about mid June my son was born and in late September my little sister who was in her late 20’s died in a car wreck where she was at fault. She was a wife a mother and brand new to the Christian faith. She Died a Week before she was going to be baptized that day was also my birthday.
At her Church they make videos of you saying why you want to be baptized. She Said why and thanked my wife and my self for being influences that helped bring her to God. That video was the lat words I ever heard my sister say.

The pain and grief I went threw brought some things to the surface of my life. I have anger issues and I have a long-term addiction to pornography. I probably drink a little more than I ought to also. As far as the anger goes I am not abusive but I am explosive. I do not want my wife to have to deal with that any long I also do not want to teach my son the traits that have been handed down in my family. The Pornography is destructive to my marriage and to my self; it is a sin against my self-hurting my own soul. I am not an alcoholic I have two parents who are and have an opiate addict for a brother. I have had friends who were meth addicts and heroine addicts. So addiction is something I am used to and know well. I am thankful that God had put people like that in my life because there actions are what helped keep me straight.

The road to redemption, I found my self about 3 weeks after my sisters’ death drunk in the garage yelling at God. This resulted in and argument with my wife and me blowing up. I then called a Christian mentor of mine who also counsels people and told him my problems. We started counseling two weeks later. This blog will be an account of my life my growth threw this process and what the lord is teaching me, showing me, and just doing in my life.